Try to guess which phrase my father forbids me to say:

a) I quit
b) I’ll try
c) How bad could it be

If you knew my father and his less than secret quest to destroy me, you would have guessed the correct answer, C. When it comes to quitting my father said, “The only thing more noble than trying to conquer a challenge is not trying to do something you stink at.”

When it came to the phrase, “I’ll try,” he says, “Failure is unavoidable. You’ll lead an empty life if you don’t at least try.”

However, when it comes to the phrase, “How bad could it be,” my father is adamantly against it. The reason for this is because he is convinced there is a ripple in the cosmic sphere which can be opened and a power of great significance will be unleashed to smite anyone who had utters the phrase. In other words, if you say “how bad could it be,” you are about to find out it is worse than you could have ever expected.

Most people would find my father’s logic flawed, un-correlated and downright dumber than a can of tuna. My father, however, thinks his theory is scientific fact due to the incredible times he has been proven right. If he sees a sign that says, “Two Lobsters for the Price of One,” he might say, “That’s a great deal. How bad could they be?” only to find out they were fatty crayfish and one was $40. If we sees a hotel that said it has a heated pool he would say, “How bad could it be” and he’d find out the pool was as big and as deep as a wheelbarrow and was only heated by the incredible amount of urine left behind by previous users.

There are times when I see a drink special for something called an “Oil Burn” and think, “How bad can it be,” but I keep my mouth shut. I’ve grown into a superstitious man who thinks the universe is out to get me.

That’s probably why I’ve created a new phrase to be intrinsically leery of. Some people think it might be when my girlfriend tells me, “I’m late,” or when my boss brings me into his office and says, “Shut the door.” No, the phrase that stops me dead in my tracks is, “It’s gonna be awesome.”

I’ve come to learn that the phrase, “It’s gonna be awesome,” is code for, “What is about to happen is going to be horrible. Awesome is actually the last word you will describe it as.”

Think of all the times someone has told you it’s going to be awesome. No matter what “it” is, “it” is going to fall short and either leaves you in the hospital or having wasted a lot of money.

Here are some common examples of when you might hear someone say, “It’s going to be awesome,”:
 - “Hey, man. Let’s get in these trash cans and roll down this hill. It’s gonna be awesome!”
 - “Let’s add cheese to this chocolate cake. It’s gonna be awesome!”
 - “Let’s drive ten hours to a casino in Ohio! It’s gonna be awesome!”
 - “I found this gun. You want to shoot it? It’s gonna be awesome!”

Not to be overlooked is the fact that most of the time the phrase is predicated by the also sketchy phrase of, “Trust me.” Someone who says this is almost afraid you might see through his rouse and that breaking a bottle over your head ISN’T going to be awesome, so he decides to add trust in as an added confidence factor. Giving trust to someone who is proposing a, “It’s gonna be awesome” scenario is like getting a receipt from someone who sells TVs out of the back of a truck.

The other thing about the phrase that gets me is that I mostly hear it from people who are drunk or high. That’s a red flag right there. ANYTHING that is directly associated with drinking and drugs should immediately be met with a level of skepticism. Not necessarily avoid, but carefully examined.

Do you know what never gets the phrase, “It’s gonna be awesome” attached to it? Things that are actually awesome. They don’t need to be sold. It’s like beach front property or a party filled with models – there doesn’t need to be much else said.

Maybe I’m being too uptight. Who knows how many historical moments came together based on the common concept that, “It’s gonna be awesome,”? Is it possible George Washington pronounced, “We shall take the British at Yorktown…It’s gonna be awesome,” or Michelangelo said, “I’m gonna paint the shit out of this church’s ceiling… It’s gonna be awesome,”?

Regardless of what actually was said that inspired the great things in our existence, I stay away from the phrase now. I’ve learned things that are awesome (fireworks) should be left as is and not made into things that are gonna be awesome (firing them at each other).